So I was staying home alone on a Friday, flat on the floor looking back on old love, and thought of some common-sense things about relationships that I find most men don’t get. I’ll warn you now, this may come off as slightly misogynistic – but it’s very honest, and I hope that since all girls SAY they want honesty, you’ll respect it in this form.

Here’s the thing: We are generally an optimistic species. It’s what drives us to vote Republican, even though we make 30,000 a year and the GOP only cares about tax breaks for people who make 250k or more. The thinking is that someday, WE are going to be in that “one percent” – so we vote against our own interests for the hope that we will someday need those rich-guy tax breaks. Someday YOU might be a “job creator”.

Certainly that’s not very realistic. Statistically, only about 1% of us will make that kind of money. I understand that most Americans are fucking horrible at math – but that’s not very good odds for you.

How does that pertain to the title of this blog? Blind optimism is typically a waste of time, and we are all guilty of it in some manner. One of the worst offenses that I’ve seen (and experienced, if I can swallow my pride) is spending time, effort, and energy on a girl who is not reciprocating your level of interest. I’m writing from my perspective, but it is certainly not a gender-exclusive phenomenon. I know plenty of girls who also just refuse to take the proverbial hint. Hell, there might be a couple of you reading this right now. If that’s the case, I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. You are a great girl, and some guy is going to be very lucky to be with you. I’m just not in a spot right now where I can give you what you need.

Oh and remember – No man is worth your tears and the one who is will NEVER make you cry.

/cliche

So how can you tell if your efforts are being not being appreciated? I’ve simplified this into a few key points:

– First, most of us communicate primarily through texting/messaging at this point, and that especially holds true for dating. From a male perspective, THANK GOD for the invention, so now we don’t have to spend an hour on the phone pretending to give a shit about your shoes, your friends, or whatever other incessant yammering you are running off at the mouth with. Ladies, we are NOT girls. Men don’t communicate the same as you do. If you want “Hey how was your day?” talk – call your girlfriends. I’m sure they’d love to talk to you – we’re busy watching Sportcenter for the 5th time in a row, or playing Skyrim.

… I digress.

So using texting as the medium, here are the rules:

You can only send 3 texts in a row (in one “session”, generally within a few hours) without a getting a response. Anything more than that is stalker-like and desperate… stop

You can only text 3 days/times in a row without getting a response. If you’ve sent texts to a girl on 3-5 different occasions in a week, and she hasn’t texted back… stop.

You can only initiate 5 text conversations without her initiating one. So if it’s always YOU going “hey what’s up” and she never seems to reach out to be the first one to text you… stop.

It’s really that simple. Women LOVE attention, but that doesn’t mean they are ever going to date you, sleep with you, or be interested in you. Understanding the difference is the key to not wasting countless hours of your life on somebody who wants to put you in the “friend” zone. If she notices that she hasn’t heard from you in a while, and texts you – congrats! You get to go back to the rules, and start the play clock over again.

You wonder why I stopped texting you? I realized that I was wasting my time, and I deserve at LEAST equal interest and effort. I know there are a lot of guys who aren’t willing or able to walk away… but my time is valuable. Yeah, the shitty thing is there will be times that you are REALLY into a girl, and you have to just give up. Sometimes, they are just not that into you – even if you’ve been nothing but nice to them. It’s just one of those things, and in the words of a great poet of our generation, “on to the next.”

Oh, and girls: I know you think you are cool. I know you think you are “one of the guys” and you have some great “guy friends” that don’t want to fuck you… but you are wrong. You are completely wrong. No guy wants to be your friend. Every guy who is your friend is a guy who was trying to hump you, and screwed up. I’ll make the occasional exception for the “I’ve known him since I was 12” and “he doesn’t even like girls” friend, but stop thinking that a guy would rather hang out with you and watch the hockey game versus his crew. More than likely, your friend just has no game.