For the past few decades, the conservative movement has attempted to corner the market on religion. Republicans are often the party associated with Evangelical voters, Christians, etc. Republicans point to conservative values that many religious people identify with – the most obvious manifesting itself in the pro-life/anti-abortion movement. I’m going to prove that Jesus would NEVER have been a Republican, and in fact would be considered a progressive liberal in postmodern society.
First and foremost, I think a little background on my walk with God is in order. I grew up in a big, Italian Roman-Catholic family. I went to St. Bartholomew Catholic School starting in Kindergarten, and back then the nuns could still whip your ass. I did time, baby. When I was a teenager living in Maryland, my mom “found Jesus” and we joined a Church of God/Born-again/jumping in the aisles and talk gibberish kind of church. The kind of cool church you see in the movies, without all of the black people and rhythm. That was my first experience with playing music – I learned 4 or 5 chords on guitar, and played every Sunday morning in the church band. From there, I attended Duquesne University – a private, Catholic university. I was involved in the Campus Ministry, sang in choir every Sunday night for the “hangover mass”, and had the opportunity to forge a relationship with several of the priests at the school.
In short – I fancy myself at least someone who believes in a higher power, and Jesus is just all right with me.
So here is where I piss off the Jesus freaks. If you believe that the Earth is 6,000 years old, and that humans rode around on Dinosaurs, you are a good Christian, and a fucking retard. I don’t mean “retard” in a slang manner to imply that you are stupid – I’m saying that you probably have Down Syndrome, and should be in a padded room.
This is supposed to be about religion, and not politics. (and I still believe in separation of Church and State) I don’t want to get too off-track with the point of this blog: Jesus would have voted Democrat, and in fact would want NOTHING to do with Republicans.
Here are some pretty simple examples:
Jesus believed in healing the sick, blind, and ailing. Hell, he even raised the dead. I bet he’d probably believe in health care for everyone, since he was so big on taking care of people.
Jesus believed in teaching EVERYONE. He preached in the streets, in the temple – pretty much trying to ensure that everyone received the opportunity to be educated.
Jesus took a basket of fish and bread, and fed the needy. I wonder if they called him the “Food stamp Messiah”?
Jesus preached to “Love thy enemy” – He probably would not have been a fan of waging all of these wars.
Jesus flipped out on the tax collectors for taking too much from the poor people, and lining their own pockets with the money that came from the working class. He fought for the middle class.
Jesus believed in tithing – giving 10% of all that you make to help God move in his blessings to those less fortunate. Republicans would call this “socialism” now, but it was charity for the poor.
Jesus hung out with prostitutes and other undesirables. It would be fair to say that he wasn’t a fan of the “elite” or the “1%”
Jesus was KILLED by the politicians of his time for spreading his liberal message.
Jesus lived a very modest and meager lifestyle. Not flashy, not rich, and not interested in profiting from the misfortune of others. He didn’t really dig corporate greed, and believed that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few.
He spoke out against injustice, didn’t charge to help people when he did, taught compassion and forgiveness, gave when he could, and rallied against the elite.
Remember that the next time you hear a Republican talking about how gay people shouldn’t have the same rights as everyone else. Think about that the next time you hear them complaining about paying taxes to help people less fortunate. Remember that the next time you hear them wanting to break apart families and deport people from America. Think about that the next time they fire up the electric chair, or kill thousands of people in war. Remember that when the idea of making sure that anyone who is sick gets the attention that they need is discussed.
Vote for Obama – It’s what Jesus would have wanted.
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