I hate Taylor Swift. Aside from the title of this column, and the subsequent statement of hate towards Tay Tay – this has nothing to do with music, or shitty manufactured pop/country stars.

I learned something about the way women think tonight. I’m not talking about the stereotypical schitzo girl stuff, I’m talking about well-adjusted females with good life perspective. I generally stay away from the crazy ones, because I’m not 23 anymore and I have plenty of stories from the “good old days” to remind me that while it may be fun momentarily – I’m really past that type of drama.

Studies show that fewer people than ever are getting married and while some of that can be directly blamed on vapid twats like Kim Kardashian ruining it for the rest of the world – the fact is that many people have come to the conclusion that marriage in itself is a failed, outdated institution. With less people getting married, and more of those marriages ending in divorce, it’s hard to argue with that.

I think it’s because of the fairy tale.

My first girlfriend was a FBI (full blooded Italian) girl named Tonia. I learned a lot of things from dating her, mostly that the idea of a “perfect” relationship is a complete fallacy. Her and I never really fought – things were good. After about a year of that, she started looking for things to fight about. I’m not talking about “hey you slept with my sister” stuff – I’m talking about “You don’t respect me or love me because you left the toilet seat up” kind of things.

Humans need some sort of conflict in their lives. People handle that conflict in a variety of ways, but inevitably there needs to be some sort of disruption. Human nature itself prevents the very theory of a storybook life.

In other words...

The thing is – we don’t even have a chance. Look at the “fairy tale” movies that women relate to:

“Dirty Dancing” – The tale of an underage girl and her statutory rape by a deadbeat dance instructor at a fancy resort. Sure, Johnny may have been twice her age when he deflowered her, but it’s LOVE!

“Pretty Woman” – The story of a rich older man who buys hookers, finds one with a heart of gold, and falls in love all within a few days. you know who else would like to find a rich older sugar daddy to help “change” them? Every stripper or prostitute on the planet. Let me rephrase that – Every woman on the planet.

“The Notebook” – The touching memoir of… You know, I have no clue. I’m a straight guy and thus, have never seen The Notebook. Girls cry a lot and go “awwww, why can’t I find a guy like that?”

That guy doesn’t exist. This is why they make movies. They aren’t based on true stories (although I’m sure there are creepy dance instructors grinding on cute innocent girls, and I know there are Wall Street guys right now dripping sweat into the eyes of a high-priced call girl while they pant on top of them) but for some reason, THAT is what a fairy tale is supposed to be.

People will have better, more healthy, and more successful relationships when they learn to be content with things being 95% good, and not focusing on the occasional dirty dish, or laundry, or toilet seat. If you want to look for things that are wrong – you’ll find them. There IS no fairy tale. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Find GOOD relationships, cherish them – because quite frankly it’s fucking hard enough just to hope for that.

That doesn’t mean you can’t find a place of contentment, and peace, and an overall good vibe. “Settling down” doesn’t mean you have to settle – get what you want, and go after what you deserve.

… Just make sure you don’t turn into the crazy cat lady while you wait for something to come along that is never going to be there. Don’t forget to appreciate the GOOD things you have in front of you today.

If THESE lovebirds can't make it, we've got no chance.