I learned that when women say “I just want a guy to be honest with me” what that REALLY means is “I just want a guy to tell me what I want to hear.” If you ever wondered if I was “that guy” – this column should help clear it up.
I’ve always been a pretty free thinker. I’ve always been a pretty free speaker. For better or worse (and typically worse) there generally is never a question about where I stand with things. I’m not shy about voicing my opinion, and I don’t pull punches. There area a lot of people who appreciate and respect that – I’ve turned into a kind of straight-shooting therapist for them.
There are a lot of people who just don’t get it.
Part of being a free-thinker means that by default I am also non-conformist in a lot of my positions. I don’t subscribe to labels, I don’t do what “society” tells me to do. I don’t say what I’m supposed to say.
The place where that platform manifests itself the most is when I am talking to a woman.
Here’s the thing that I’ve learned: Women don’t want you to be honest. Women want the fantasy. Women need to be lied to because it allows them to play the victim/fool when things go wrong. It gives women an out – a lack of accountability. It’s similar to the popular “well, I was drunk” excuse. That guy lied to you? Oh, you poor girl.
It’s the “does my ass look big in this jeans” argument. Things have gotten to the point in Western society where this isn’t even a real question. This is really just a woman seeking positive reinforcement and validation for her looks. What that means to a guy? We are SUPPOSED to answer with some variety of, “No baby, you look amazing.”
… But what if her ass really DOES look big in those jeans?
That’s my problem. I’m a dumb enough motherfucker that I give women the respect and courtesy of an honest answer.
“Hey, do you think my younger sister who is a model is hotter than me?”
“If I told you that I didn’t want to sleep with you, would that change things between us?”
I remember a girl who basically asked me the above question. My answer was, “Well, I could lie to you and say that it wouldn’t change a thing. Or, I could NOT insult your intelligence and say OF COURSE it would change the nature of our relationship.”
Her response was to basically break things off with me.
So because I didn’t essentially lie to her (which obviously is what she wanted) it destroyed the relationship. How’s THAT for a good lesson, guys? Is it that women are so used to being misled about a man’s intentions that they don’t know how to accept a genuine answer? Is it that women NEED a guy to pretend like he just wants to be buddies with them, despite the fact that NO MAN IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD has EVER wanted to be “just friends” with a woman. I’ve said it before, and I’m sorry – but since we are being honest and all…
I’m a big fan of compromise, but I refuse to pretend to be somebody that I’m not. Some people appreciate that, and some people are scared away. The bottom line is that I am very comfortable with who I am at this point in my life, and I’m unwilling to jump through hoops for ANYONE.
Just be yourself.