I recently learned some really important things, and remembered some things that I shouldn’t have forgotten. The startling revelation? You are all a bunch of whores. What’s even worse? So am I.
Over the past few years I’ve done a respectable job of eliminating the insane from my life. Back when Walk of Shame started, I found myself learning how to transition from life in college to “real” life – and how to forge and maintain meaningful relationships on that journey. I ended up defending myself from women who I had been acquainted with because I made the mistake of letting a couple of people who “Spiffy” met learn about “Sean”. It didn’t go well, but I learned from the experience and became a stronger person because of it. We’ve all had one of those crazy times in our life filled with psycho bitches making fake Facebook accounts to stalk you, blocked calls at 1am, etc. I went through that phase: I am VERY over it, and now spend most of my time making fun of people who air dirty relationship laundry in public.
I’m a whore. The difference between you and me? I’m an HONEST whore. In college that manifested itself in a sexual nature mostly, with me bedding a good portion of the female student body at Duquesne. Before that, I was a whore for the wrestling business. After college, I became a whore for music. It all basically comes down to a level of attention that I desire in my life, and different ways to let that occur. Now I am lucky enough to have a job that gives me ALL of the superficial attention that I could EVER want. I’m also smart enough NOW to realize that it is not real, genuine attention. I’m not in the market for anything beyond one-night of drunken validation while I’m on stage. You aren’t coming home with me. No, I don’t want your number. No, I don’t wanna give you mine.
The cool thing about being honest about who I am is that I don’t have to worry about getting caught. The people who love me know who I am, and what I do. The beautiful part about not lying is that it’s contagious. So instead of trust being damaged and a huge fight, it simply ends up with a discussion over an interesting message sent on Facebook, and that’s it. For the first time in years, I had a girl take a pretty vindictive turn in an effort to hurt me, and the people that I love. Thankfully because I’m an honest whore her efforts just ended up as an interesting conversation about how she clearly has borderline personality disorder, and her actions were simply a cry for help because she never got over a failed marriage and her father is not exactly a paragon of stability. What can I say? I attract the girls with daddy issues.
I guess I’m more mad at myself for quite literally predicting this outcome two years ago, and STILL ending up watching it play out. Thankfully outside of a little bit of drama, nobody that I care about was affected by it – but it makes my brain go. I have a tough time finding friends, and I’m disappointed that despite communicating honestly that boundaries were simply not respected. THAT is the part that I don’t get. Look, there have been girls who I really wished I could be with throughout my life – I NEVER took the step to actively try to damage or sabotage their lives and relationships. What kind of sick shit is that? People wonder why they have bad Karma. Women just hate other women:
But really like most people who do mean stuff on purpose – They probably just hate themselves. I guess that’s where the self-destructive behavior comes in. That’s where the sabotage comes from. You get past a certain point, and there is no going back. Those are the choices that we make as adults, and we have to live with them.
Who will bail you out next time?