I’m really happy to have gotten some solid dialogue going after my last column. I think I learned something about the way people think in what would be considered a “normal” Western Judeo-Christian upbringing. As many of you know, I fancy myself somewhat of a non-conformist.
I understand the concept of monogamy – I just question the practical application of it. That doesn’t make me an asshole, a misogynist, or a cynic: It makes me a realist. The fact is that the majority of marriages end in divorce. Hell, the fact is that MOST relationships fail, even the ones where marriage isn’t brought into it. That’s a fact, and hard to argue. The fact is that many other places in the world have long since given up on the idea that you are supposed to find one person and never act on the completely normal biological desire to want someone else at times.
I’m not writing this to rehash an old column, but to offer another angle on the idea of “traditional” relationships not working: The serial dater. Yes, your facebook status changing from “single” to “in a relationship” ever 2 weeks has inspired me to write about you as part of the problem. It’s hard for me not to call you out when we have a conversation about how you are going to “stay single for a while” and three days later you’ve got some new doucher all over your newsfeed talking about spending his life with you. Just be real – At least I can respect that. If you are going to be a serial dater, and I have to watch the cycle of “I’m swearing off men” to “I met someone new” to “he’s different than the last guy” to “That’s it, I’m totally becoming a lesbian now” back to “I met someone new” all within a 72 hour period – I’m calling you out on it. Maybe you need to impose a 3-month limit on dating?
Stop feeling like you need to be involved in relationships that you really don’t want. Why? Your family and friends don’t understand or agree with your lifestyle? Look, I know your friends are getting engaged, pumping out kids, and there is a part of you that desires the comfort and familiarity of someone to share a bed with. That’s normal, and that’s good. Here’s the problem: You don’t want to give up your freedom for it. You don’t want to trade in living your life on your terms to subscribe to society’s rules when you don’t necessarily agree with society. I know you might feel like nobody understands the way you think. I know you might worry about dying alone. I know you might feel like there is something wrong with you because you don’t seem to be content with settling down and spending your life with one person. So let me get this straight: If Katy Perry and Kate Upton show up and my door and want me to judge a dick sucking contest, I’m supposed to say no because my girlfriend will get mad?
I need to find the girl that will not only high-five me, but hold the video camera while that is going down.
To close, I’m stealing this from my friend Dick Driver (real name, not porn-related) – I found myself identifying with what he wrote here. In fact, I remember being a 22 year old awkward guy just beginning to break out of my shell on a date with a girl when she literally yelled at me for opening the door for her. She said “Stop trying so hard” to me being a gentleman. It’s not that I don’t know HOW to do things the “old school” or proper way: But how many girls walking around now honestly deserve to be treated that way? Oh, I know you all THINK you deserve to be treated like a princess, which is why you are single or date a guy who you can walk all over.
From Dick Driver:
“I was told guys like “me” killed chivalry. Bull fucking shit. Women killed chivalry and subsequently created guys like me. I was raised as a southern gentlemen. I know exactly how to treat a lady, I absolutely 100% don’t. When I or any guy for that matter is nice or ‘chivalrous’ to you girls you look right through them. But I act like a fucking d-bag and sluts fight [tooth] and nail to jam my cock in them. And before one of you makes the “I dunno what type of girls you hang out with” argument, just shut the fuck up. You know exactly what I’m talking about. No, guys like me didn’t kill chivalry. You girls did.”