DISCLAIMER: I sometimes write from an unpopular or controversial position in order to facilitate discussion. If you have a uterus – chances are you are going to be VERY pissed off at this column.

If you know me in “real life” you know I’m a pretty staunch advocate of equal rights in just about all walks of life. During this political season there has been a lot of talk in the media about the “War on Women”. What this means in simple terms is that legislators right now are actively working on ways to roll back Women’s rights on things like abortion, fair pay, health care, and even the definition of rape. It makes you miss the days when Sandra Fluke just wanted her birth control covered on her insurance, huh?

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!

That’s enough “politics”

She Wanna Be a Man, Imma Treat You Like a Man

There was a video that went viral this week where a bus driver in Cleveland (Shocking that this happened in a city like CLEVELAND, I know) went all Street Fighter II on some chick who got in his face and physically confronted him. In an effort to be credible I think it’s important for you to see the video itself. Remember that it’s ok to laugh at this, and that if you do you are not a racist. I mean, you might be a racist but laughing at this video doesn’t MAKE you a racist:

Women want to have their cake and eat it, too. This happens in a lot of areas and fighting is certainly one of them. Hey, I’m all for women in the military because they should have the same right to fight in senseless wars and die a senseless death as men have. That being said if you are a woman and talk to a man like this girl on the bus was talking unless you are Debo’s sister, this wouldn’t be the first time a dude had to whip your ass.


Perhaps the most controversial topic of equality that NO POLITICIAN IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would talk about revolves around making babies. America is simply not a traditional two-parent household anymore. In fact a 2010 study by the National KIDS COUNT Program estimates that around 1 in 3 children now live in a single-parent household. Sidenote: Guess where the percentage is highest? If you guessed in the religious and Republican-leaning Bible Belt in the South, you’d be right (Top states for single-parent homes include Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, and South Carolina)

It takes two people to make a baby (excluding sperm banks and other methods that spit in the face of Jesus), but it doesn’t take two people to raise them. I grew up in a time where the neighborhood looked after each other. Hell, I grew up in a time when if I got caught doing something wrong the neighbor would spank me, call my mom and send me home to get ANOTHER ass-whooping. It Takes a Village, indeed.

It takes two people to make a baby but it only takes one person to decide whether or not to actually HAVE a baby and if you have testicles, you don’t get a vote. Here is where it gets a bit controversial: The man has precisely ZERO say in the decision to have a baby, but is expected to share responsibility for a decision that he had no say in for 18 years.

“Well he should have thought of that before he had sex”

I know the arguments for effective birth control. That being said, even people who use birth control responsibly occasionally will have unexpected consequences to having sex. Look, in the interest of saving time I’m just going to go ahead and call anyone who raises the “well then don’t have sex” argument fucking retarded. We are humans, and not having sex is not natural to our species, period. Thankfully we are in a point in medical and scientific advances that for the most part if we are fucking for pleasure and not for conception we can cover our horny asses.

Statistics by the CDC conclude that almost 50% of pregnancies in the United States are now considered “unplanned”. I’m all for being pro-choice, but if it takes two to make the baby, and two people to decide to have sex in the first place, shouldn’t both parties get equal say in the outcome?

Did you know that if you are a man who always uses condoms, still pulls out, jerks off into a sock and then burns the sock post-sex and your girl gets pregnant you are STILL on the hook for child support? Did you know that even if you do all of that responsible banging and your girl decides that you’d make cute babies on her own and pokes holes in your condoms that you STILL are on the hook? That’s right fellas, no choice, no vote… at all.

There is a HUGE difference between two people who are a couple and TOGETHER decide to have and raise a child and a woman who gets knocked up and makes that decision on her own. Sometimes her decision is made over the expressed objection of the baby daddy. If two people who decide to have a child together and five years later their relationship no longer works then ABSOLUTELY those parents should share the financial responsibility in raising that child. Should it be the same for the random guy who has no desire to be a father? Should it be the same for the random frat boy who forgot to pull out in time?

I’m not even saying that a woman doesn’t have the right to choose ON HER OWN to have a child: She does. However, that’s HER choice and if the man votes no, the man shouldn’t be held up for that. You don’t think that’s fair? What if the MAN wants to have the child, and the woman doesn’t want to? NOW what is fair?

Did you know that even if you are sexually assaulted (read: raped) as a man and the result of you being raped is a pregnancy you STILL have to pay child support?

The family court laws are antiquated and do not work in a society where half of the babies made are not planned and half of the marriages end in divorce. So what can be done about this? If a woman preserves her right to choose, should a man have the right to “opt-out” of her decision? There is a legal way to do that where a man can waive his parental rights but often the woman will refuse to do that, hoping that despite having no desire to try to raise the child in a two-parent household that she can still “trap” the man into having to pay child support. I know it’s a small percentage of women who do this, but there are women out there who purposely get knocked up by rich men because they know it’s a way for them to not work. You want to talk about an entitlement program that needs reformed, there you go.

Again, this column isn’t meant to piss people off (although it will) or come off as misogynistic (although it does) but it SHOULD create a dialogue. You want to prove you are equal to a man? Make your OWN decision and when it doesn’t involve a man, keep it that way. You’d get a lot more credibility in your fight.

Sean Kemmerer is a freelance writer, administrator of Politics Without The Crazy Pills, and does not know stock in trans-vaginal ultrasound companies.