Obama is coming for my guns.

Obama is coming for YOUR guns.

How do I know this? I know this because he DID NOT come after our guns in his first four years as President, which means he wants to take away all of our guns. Hell, he probably wants to melt them all down and recycle the parts so that he can give more welfare moms free cell phones. AM I RIGHT MY REDNECK BROTHERS?

There are over 10,000 people killed by guns in the United States every year. The next closest First-World countries average a couple of hundred people who die from gun-related violence. In fact, you can add up England, Canada, France, Spain, Australia, Japan, Germany, New Zealand, Switzerland, and Austria and they would get to about 1/20th of the murders in America.

“But that’s not fair! America has more people than a lot of those countries!”

Calm down, Guy with 6 Teeth in a Single-Wide. You are correct: If you look at these deaths on a purely per-capita basis, the U.S. only kills about eight times the people per 100,000 than the next closest country. WE’RE NUMBER ONE!


In Canada’s defense, most gun deaths are due to large women in coats being mistaken for moose.

With a few high-profile shootings in the news recently, the issue of gun control has come up again in the mainstream media. NFL linebacker Jovon Belcher shot and killed his girlfriend (also the mother of his 3-month old child) in front of his mother and his baby. He then drove to the Chiefs facility and blew his brains out in front of his coach and the team’s owner. MURIKA! Of course, Second Amendment supporters make the standard “guns don’t kill people – PEOPLE kill people” argument – but at what point do we recognize that guns are bad, mmmkay?

NBC broadcaster (and journalist, by the way) Bob Costas has taken considerable flak for editorial comments that he made on the air following the shooting. Gun rights advocates were furious that Costas would take such controversial positions like “If Jovon didn’t have a gun he probably wouldn’t have shot himself in the face” – I’m paraphrasing of course but the reality is that at NO point did Costas call for gun control, legislation, or that anything should be done politically. Here’s the full clip:



Costas references a column written by Jason Whitlock where Whitlock DID make several controversial statements, but Costas was careful to cherrypick the article and exclude anything that might be deemed as inflammatory. Costas focused on the gun culture in America, and why young people are dying when they seemingly do not have to. Sure, Jovon Belcher could have strangled his girlfriend, or stabbed her, or beat her to death… But he didn’t. He shot her, because having a gun made it quick, easy, and convenient for him to do so.

So since Costas didn’t get political in his comments it would appear that somebody needs to pick up the slack. Here is a little Second Amendment love for you all:

First and foremost – Here is the Second Amendment – “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

Simple, beautiful, and like most of our Constitution – Open to interpretation. Many modern-day gun advocates shroud their desire to own a rocket launcher in pretending like our Founding Fathers (and God: We can NEVER forget that all of our rights come from God) thought that everybody should have unregulated access to whatever weapons they deemed fit to defend their family. Then again, Founders like James Madison thought it was absurd that we needed a Second Amendment because it was unfathomable that the government would ever muster a standing army that would be a threat to the people. Good call, Jimmy!

Sidenote: To all of the gun-toting teabillies out there who think that there is going to be a second Civil War, or that you are going to need your guns to fight the government – stop it. You are not that bright, and it is not 1790 any longer. Our government can blow you up with a radio-controlled plane now without you even knowing what happened, and your AR-15 isn’t going to do you a lot of good against a tank. You might be one gun away from getting on the ATF’s radar, and as a refresher if the government DOES come for your guns, it’s not going to end well for you. Ask my old friend David Koresh:

His hot, dead hand?



Do you know what else the Framers of the Constitution expected? That every able-bodied man at age 18 joined the militia. There ya go, gun-rights people. You want your guns? You have to serve in the military to get em!

On May 8, 1792, Congress passed “[a]n act more effectually to provide for the National Defence, by establishing an Uniform Militia throughout the United States” requiring:

[E]ach and every free able-bodied white male citizen of the respective States, resident therein, who is or shall be of age of eighteen years, and under the age of forty-five years (except as is herein after excepted) shall severally and respectively be enrolled in the militia…[and] every citizen so enrolled and notified, shall, within six months thereafter, provide himself with a good musket or firelock, a sufficient bayonet and belt, two spare flints, and a knapsack, a pouch with a box therein to contain not less than twenty-four cartridges, suited to the bore of his musket or firelock, each cartridge to contain a proper quantity of powder and ball: or with a good rifle, knapsack, shot-pouch and powder-horn, twenty balls suited to the bore of his rifle, and a quarter of a pound of powder; and shall appear, so armed, accoutred and provided, when called out to exercise, or into service, except, that when called out on company days to exercise only, he may appear without a knapsack.

You aren’t repelling any invasions. You aren’t fighting any tyrannical governments. (I know, I know – Obama is a Socialist and ruining the country but how about just this once you let the guy elected democratically do his job?) You most likely are not participating in law enforcement. (and God Bless you if you are) You are not organizing your own army. You want to try to bag an 8-point buck – ROCK ON! Does the Constitution say that you should have an AK-47 to do so? No.

So let’s ease up on trying to determine what people over 200 years ago were thinking, and start using some common sense. If you want to waste your time trying to interpret outdated documents that have no bearing on modern society – stick to The Bible.

Sean Kemmerer is a freelance writer, administrator of Politics Without The Crazy Pills, and he did not go to the gym today because every machine is occupied by women who watched the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night .