I hate black people.

Seriously – Every single black person. I can’t stand the way they look, dress, their culture, their music, or how they want to destroy my vision of America. Pull your pants up! The reason I hate all black people is because when I lived in Baltimore, I was mugged by a black man during my senior prom while in the Inner Harbor. As such, every black person is evil to me, and wants to hurt me.

I also hate gay people.

Seriously – Every single member of the LGBT community. I can’t stand the way they look, dress, their culture, their music (does Cher and Madonna count?), or how they want to destroy my vision of America. Everybody knows if we treat these people as equals, we’ll all be on the road to bestiality and pedophilia. The reason I hate all gay people is because I used to be a professional wrestler, and many promoters lived a homosexual lifestyle. I was not given the same opportunities as other wrestlers who were more “open” to the advances of those in positions of authority (I think that is called a “power top”, but I might be using the term wrong). As such, I now think that all gay people show preferential treatment to other gays, and discriminate against straight people, and want to “turn” me to their lifestyle.

Nevermind all of that. Do you know who I REALLY hate? Muslims. All of em!

Only one of these hateful, bigoted statements is socially acceptable to say in America in 2013. Why? Are we so ignorant as a culture that we immediately discount billions of people because of the actions of a handful? Have we decided to use “One bad apple spoils the bunch” as our basis for judgement of an entire class of people?

It would have been better on the back of a Toyota.

There are some terrible people in this world who happen to be Muslims. They want to hurt other people. They want to kill those who do not agree with their lifestyle. They believe that their way of thinking is the one “true” faith, and that those who disagree should die, and will not join them in an afterlife in paradise. These hate-filled religions believe that it is only through THEIR way of thinking that one can enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Wait… I got confused. Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) – Whoops!

Which brings me to my point: There are bad people everywhere. There are bad Democrats. There are bad Republicans. There are bad men. There are bad women. There are bad Muslims. There are bad Christians. There are bad white people. There are bad black people. There are bad straight people. There are bad gay people.

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I hope that the next time a white Christian bombs an abortion clinic (or a federal building in Oklahoma City) people will react the same way as when a Chechnyan Muslim bombs the Boston Marathon. Terrorism is terrorism, and hate is hate. Until we stop defining people based on how different they are, we can never truly function as the melting pot that this country was intended to be.

I just remembered that my communications professor failed me and wouldn’t let me retake an exam that I needed to stay on the Dean’s List. Dammit, now I hate old white guys, too.

Sean Kemmerer is a freelance writer, administrator of Politics Without The Crazy Pills , and believes that every single person who listens to Taylor Swift is terrible. All of them.

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