It’s been a long time since I’ve written a “real life” blog, so here goes:
I had a great weekend up in Slippery Rock performing at the Ginger Hill Tavern. It’s weird, but the place really has become my “home venue” for shows, even though it’s an hour outside of the city. The staff has become my family, and the customers have become people who almost know me in “real life”, which is simultaneously scary and comforting. Nothing reveals an aura of familiarity like getting “iced” by bartenders right in the middle of a show, and having the crowd laugh along at the absurdity of the entire evening. After a week of touring down in Florida, it was nice to come home. Sure, there is something to be said for looking out into the crowd and seeing “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan rocking out, but I missed my bed, my family, my comfort zone.
So yeah – The band is going great. There are some new faces in the mix which makes me nervous, but the “vibe” is better than it has probably ever been, and the level of talent just keeps going up. I’m excited for the next challenges, and we have some pretty cool opportunities coming up. Since this isn’t a shameless plug for Walk of Shame just go to the website if you want to know more. Thanks for the support.
I’ve been hit with a rash of old flames popping back up and trying to catch up lately. Seriously, it happened almost all at once, but several girls that I used to date (some as long as 10 years ago) have resurfaced in the past couple of months. There are a lot of similarities: They are all married, most have kids, and most are terribly unhappy.
When people think about cheating, they usually think of young men who aren’t willing, ready, or able to settle down. The biological desire to “sow oats” that has plagued my gender for thousands of years is not easily quelled by the relatively new (and already losing steam) idea of monogamy that has rooted itself in most Western cultures. Men are pigs. Men are dogs. Men are all types of disgusting lying creatures because they can’t find a way to have a nice life without giving in to their base desires.
Here’s the weird thing that I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older: My emphasis on the sexual/physical component of my relationships has dwindled. It’s nothing against the girl, it’s just biology. As men get older, their libido changes. Testosterone levels drop. We get less interested in sex, especially if it’s with the same woman that we’ve been having sex with for the past five years.
… But what happens to those women?
Those women want to bang… a lot.
Women start to hit their sexual prime in their early 30’s – Right around the same time that men start to lose interest. Women who spent their 20’s fighting off the advances of just about everything with a penis start to find themselves unwanted. A few years older, a few pounds heavier, out of the dating scene and into the comfort of a long term relationship – these women begin to miss the feeling of being lusted after. Husbands begin to neglect the basic affection needs of the women they are married to, and they start to feel undesired. They go weeks without intimacy, months without mind-blowing sex, and these women wake up at age 30 and wonder if they are destined to live the rest of their lives in a loveless, sexless marriage. While he’s snoring in a chair downstairs, you are wondering if you are EVER going to feel the way that you used to feel.
The realist knows that it’s only going to get worse. The husband is just going to get less and less interested as time goes on. Sadly, the realistic women knows that as she gets older, her “options” dwindle as well. There isn’t the same market for a 31-year old with a couple of kids and a saggy ass as there is for a 24-year old who goes to Zumba 3 nights a week, and THAT is the competition out there.
So what happens? Nothing happens.
Women play it safe because they are nurturers by nature. As such, they are usually willing to give up on love, sex, and feeling desired because they trade those feelings in for a beautiful home to raise children in, income stability, retirement planning, a solid future, etc. If you wonder why women cheat instead of getting a divorce, it’s because they are unwilling to throw all of that away just for their basic needs to be met. Maybe women just aren’t as good at cheating since they haven’t had to do it – Men just have all of the practice, I guess? So women will pursue an affair discreetly because they are unwilling to “give up” on their family just to pursue their own desires. It’s just a matter of finding a way to have those needs met without wrecking the home.
Is there a way to have your proverbial cake and eat it, too? Who knows? More than sex, women need attention. So as a caution to the men out there: If you aren’t giving it to your woman, somebody else will.
… Attention, that is.
–Sean Kemmerer is a freelance writer, administrator of Politics Without The Crazy Pills , and still has those red satin sheets that you remember. Oh yes…
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