“Only in America can a 5-year old get a gun and shoot their little sister and it be called an “accident,” but if a 16-year old girl has sex and needs emergency contraception, she can’t get it because you know… Freedom.” – Cletus T. Cousinhumper

A five year old (Yes 5) boy is now an only child after shooting his 2-year old baby sister in the chest and killing her in the living room of their Kentucky doublewide. If you are a rational thinking human being, your first thought probably goes somewhere along the lines of, “Why were a two and five year old left in a house unsupervised?” or “What kind of responsible gun owner would leave their loaded rifle out where a child could reach it?”

Of course, those are logical questions to ask. Then again, we assumed that the gun belonged to the parent.

… The gun belonged to the five-year old.

I remember when I was six-years old, and my older cousins were all playing Pony-League (little league) baseball. You had to be eight to play in the youngest league because it wasn’t considered safe for kids younger than that to be on a baseball field where they could get hit with a fastball or a line-drive. Our gun culture now says that it’s safer for a five-year old to have a gun than it is for him to play baseball.

Think about that for a second.



Conservatives see no issue with these “accidents” at all. After all, the Second Amendment SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED, even if your average five-year old probably makes a pretty crappy member of the militia. We all have individual freedoms that must be guaranteed. Personal responsibility. Insert other tinfoil talking points here.

But what about extending those personal liberties to young women who want access to birth control? Emergency contraception? Even (gasp) legal, safe abortions?

Of course, Republicans have been embedded in a deep battle against women having control over their own reproductive rights. The outrage over the FDA making Plan-B emergency contraception available to women as young as 15 has raised serious doubts that many congressional Republicans actually understand basic human biology. Some have gone as far as calling the contraception an “over-the-counter abortion pill” which is of course, patently false to anyone with even a basic understanding of where babies come from. Then again, guess where the highest rates of teen and unplanned pregnancies occur?

Anyone remember when lawmakers cracked down on “Joe Camel” and other tobacco companies for marketing to children? You know… Smoking will kill ya!

Just to recap:

16 year old? Too young to get contraception.

5 year old? Lock and load!

I think I have the solution: Conservatives are against abortions, and for gun ownership. Let’s just give all of our newborns a .22, and let our God sort it out. After all, owning a gun is A GOD GIVEN RIGHT FOR ALL AMERICANS, EVEN TODDLERS!

Sound harsh? Relax – It’s not like I’m advocating that you let your six year old go out and play little league baseball. What kind of responsible parent would put their kid in THAT kind of danger?

Sean Kemmerer is a freelance writer, administrator of Politics Without The Crazy Pills, and knows that the only thing that stops a bad toddler with a gun is a good toddler with a gun.

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