Now that you’ve been blessed with a Rape Baby™ you will need an introduction to the correct way of entertaining your RBD (Rape Baby™ Daddy) during child visitations.
The RBD’s right to these visitations is God given, and you should thank the Lord each night before you go to bed for making sure your Rape Baby™ has two parents because everyone knows that single parenting is the road to Hell for any baby.
Prior to the child visitation make sure that your Rape Baby™ has a clean diaper. It is cruel and heartless to expose your RBD to bare baby bottoms because he will be about to explode with sexual tension from all that time in prison (and all the attention from Big Cletus), and changing diapers in his presence may just be the spark that lights the fuse.
It is not proper to thus tempt your superior with naked bottoms, and if he cannot restrain himself YOU may have just caused this poor man to be sentenced to even more years in prison. It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s your responsibility to avoid it, since females are the number one tempters, and no God-fearing male has any hope of being able to constantly resist the cunning ways women find to tempt him.
To avoid tempting your RBD yourself you will need to dress appropriately. A burqa is a good choice, but beware of looking directly at your RBD because (and this is common knowledge) women can tempt a man by just looking at him.
You will also need to prepare tasty, homecooked food for your RBD because he will have lived on prison food for quite some time, and it is your duty as RBM (Rape Baby™ Momma) to ensure that your RBD doesn’t perish from malnutrition. Remember: Two parents good, one parent bad.
Some good dishes to prepare would be solid Bible Belt food, such as bread pudding, fried chicken, fried green tomatoes, okra, black eyed peas, grits, cornbread and sweet potato pie. It would be courteous of you to bring something for the prison guards, too.
Warning: Make absolutely sure that none of the foodstuffs in any way resembles female genitalia.
It’s also considered good manners to bring your RBD a carton of cigarettes and some of his favorite candy. Life in prison is hard compared to your leisurely way of living in freedom, and he will need the cigarettes in order to bribe Big Cletus into not paying so much attention to him. As for the candy, sugar always makes life sweeter, and it’s your RepubliChristian duty to care for the needy.
During the actual visitation make sure to let your RBD know what a fine baby he fathered. Remember, his self esteem is grievously hurt by being thrown in prison, and God wants you to help heal his broken soul.
You must also apologize to your RBD for being part of the injustice done to him. It is extremely important that you convey your sincere remorse, and that you tell him that you did indeed mean “yes” when you said “no”, and that you’re very sorry for not telling this to the judge during the trial, that your liberal lawyer had brainwashed you into saying what he wanted you to say, and that now you’ve finally come to your senses and realized the truth.
If, during this confession, you get sinful thoughts such as “But I did mean no”, “He hurt me so badly”, and/or “I don’t know how to be happy again”, IMMEDIATELY banish these thoughts from your head and begin repeating “No means yes”, “I like it rough”, and/or “I don’t need to be happy, my RBD does”, until you feel like a good RepubliChristian again.
After all, you *could* just have kept your legs closed as any devout RepubliChristian woman would have done.
After your Rabe Baby™ has spent some quality time with his/her father, the correct way to depart is to ensure your RBD that you *will* come back, and to ask him what favorite things/food he would like you to bring for the next visitation. It is your RepubliChristian duty to love and care for your fellow man, and this is a good way of doing just that.
It is also considered polite to slip a couple of notes to the prison guards on your way out in order to ensure that your RBD gets treated well between visitations.
Follow these guidelines, ladies, and you will experience the absolute joy of the blessing from God that is your Rape Baby™, and if you are in need of further moral support, I urge you to read one or more of the following brilliant works:
“A Gift From God” by Richard Mourdock
“Shutting Things Down” by Todd Akin
“The Best Of A Bad Situation” by Rick Santorum
“The Many Methods Of Conception” by Paul Ryan
“May The Forcible Rape Be With You” by Mike Huckabee
“The Honest Rapist” by Ron Paul
“The Great Emergency Rape” by Linda McMahon
“Some Girls Rape So Easy” by Roger Rivard
“Relax And Enjoy” by Clayton Williams
–Mrs. Facts is a world citizen, living in Denmark, and she is very concerned about the current political and religious climate in the United States of America, due to the fact that whatever happens in the US has a tendency to resonate throughout the rest of the world. You can follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/mrsfacts.